now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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