did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize
