So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I wish I could punch you in the face.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
