And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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