5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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