u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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