Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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