just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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