so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
