I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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