Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
