sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
