Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm both gender and math confused
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
