I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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