not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
So apparently I’m into choking now
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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