He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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