Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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