There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
