when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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