Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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