she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
