Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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