You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
