Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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