you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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