Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
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On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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