I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
