Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
