Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize