if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
