If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
