I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
