it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
