My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
