You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
