Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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