Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
