if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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