it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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