He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I currently don't understand fingers.
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