Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
