she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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