I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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