I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize