Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
