My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
and she was petting her beer can
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Randomize
