I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
