i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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