One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
