You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
