someone get that fucking seahorse.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
