Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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