Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
