Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
