A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
