the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
