The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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