Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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