Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
