Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
