hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
