why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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