we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
