Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
