Just fell off a train. Bad.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
