Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
