my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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