would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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