I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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