if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
