I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
