Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
even my farts smell like vagina
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I need to sanitize my soul.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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